Secret Hike, Maui

My buddy and I went on a hike the other day that was quite enjoyable. I could tell you where it is but given the recent crackdown on hikers in Hawaii lately*, the most I can tell you is that it is along Hana Highway between mile markers 1 and 40 and may or may not be end at O’Opuola Point. It is a place apparently only locals know or will tell you the location of when they are plied with enough alcohol and pizza. I’ve heard of it referred to as the “Huka to the Puka” hike and “Puka Hike” but since there is virtually no info on this besides some Youtube videos, the designation is clearly made up, no doubt named by stoners who got lost in these parts. (The resulting trail was worn by their attempts to get back to Hana Highway, which they would have easily found had they headed in the opposite direction from the ocean. That’s my guess.)

[* “Too many” hikers are getting hurt or dying on hikes on private and government land, thus prompting law enforcement to act. Nevermind that way more people die just driving around here, or get bit by a shark, or die swimming/snorkeling, or get hurt stepping on sea urchins. Nevermind there is inherent risk every time you leave your house. Go after the hikers. That’ll teach everyone!]

At any rate, the trailhead – marked by any one of a million nondescript gates in the area – takes you through about 20 minutes of low lying jungle branches before opening up to a view of a rocky outcropping and a small rocky beach in a valley below to your right. There is a spur trail that apparently leads down to that beach, but

my buddy and I did not explore it this day. (You can’t see that beach in my video here, but it’s there.) As we neared the rocky outcropping, the terrain gets steeper and ropes are involved. The rope work here makes the Chutes and Ladders rope climb look like child’s play and if you don’t have decent upper body strength, climbing back out – especially near the bottom near the exposed lava rocks – is going to be a minor headache. (The ropes, mind you, are exposed to the elements out this way and are a bit rough on the hands, so you might want to take gloves.) Fortunately, it was dry this day and the ground cooperated. Frankly, I cannot see doing this hike in wet conditions due to the steepness of some of the trail and many exposed plant roots, to say nothing of dealing with wet rocks if you’re not wearing water shoes. I was not this go ‘round.

When we got to the bottom, we worked our way towards the left and around the corner to a sea cave. If the

surf is not up, you can swim across the ‘channel’ to the other side. I have seen a video in which some young men swam into the cave and were jumping off the rock therein and, no surprise, someone had to be medi-choppered out. Don’t be stupid; respect the ocean or something will go wrong. If you do elect to swim across the ‘channel,’ there are olivine pools and a very cool lava archway around the bend to the left. There is another beach you can see from the archway, but it doesn’t look as inviting as the first one I mentioned.

Having gone early, my buddy and I had the place all to ourselves though on the hike out we did run into some more people, evidence of the trail’s growing popularity. I hope they had fun and no one got hurt. And remember, pack it in, pack it out. Respect the land. Aloha.

Flatbread Pizza Company, Paia Maui

Being something of a pizza connoisseur and having been to Maui many times before moving here, I am astounded that I have only now gotten around to trying Flatbread Pizza Company in Paia. I suppose this has something to do with the fact that I consider Paia Town overrated as a tourist attraction, but after a recent debacle at the once reliable Milagros Mexican restaurant across the street, my wife and I were looking for an alternative. Flatbread Pizza Company was suggested by our friends and neighbors.

The first thing that struck me as we walked into what looks like a hole in the wall from the outside was the expansiveness of the restaurant; their space is wide and deep and features several large wooden booths that can easily accommodate six to eight people to a table. Soon thereafter, I noticed a deep, fresh aroma that only quality ingredients could give off. And, if the employees were any indication of what goes into the food, I knew this pizza was going to have a ton of character before even taking a bite.

As our waitress explained to us, Flatbread Pizza Company uses locally sourced and organic ingredients, and that includes the dough. Even their meats (sausage and pepperoni) are nitrate free. Their salads have their dressings literally massaged into them and some of their juices are fresh-squeezed. Thrown for a loop and not knowing what to order our first time in, the waitress suggested we order a half-and-half pizza. Given the delectable aroma, the explanation of ingredients, the sight of the wood-fired stove…I was salivating at the thought of what would arrive on our table.

Forgoing the salad – a possible mistake given the sight of greens and other veggies stacked high brought to another table – my group opted for one half-Kula pork half-Pesto pizza (which has no tomato sauce) and a standard pizza (“Jay’s Heart”) with just sausage on it. Before the pizza came, I wet my palate with some fresh squeezed lemonade which was, no joke, the best lemonade I have ever had; truly fresh and not ruined by copious amounts of sugar. If this was going to be any indication of things to come, I was already happy. Then the pizza came. I’m not one who swears much in public, but one bite into the Kula pork pizza and colorful metaphors did leave my mouth when I regained my breath. I haven’t had pizza this fresh since I left Brooklyn many, many years ago. Fortunately, since we had been hiking we chose 16” pizzas which you may find too large if you don’t bring an appetite here. Their 12’’ pizzas are probably sufficient for many couples to share. If I have anything bad to say about the food, I would simply state that the crust seems closer to thin-crust than actually being flat bread, but that is really splitting hairs. I really have no complaints about the food. Maybe they make the pizza so good because the kitchen is open and everyone is watching the cooks make it.

To address complaints about the food I have seen in other reviews, I can’t imagine anyone saying this pizza is tasteless unless there is no refinement whatsoever to their palate or they put salt on everything they eat. Other complaints address the location, lack of parking in Paia, that there is no air conditioning, and other things besides the food. This is because the food itself really cannot be complained about. Is the food pricey? Maybe a little; Paia prices reflect that it is a tourist trap, but if you eat at you’re resort you’re certainly going to pay more for food. Might you have to wait up to thirty minutes for a table during dinner hours? Probably. Can service be slow? I can see how that might be an issue as there is only enough room in the oven for so many pizzas. Overall, though, I do think these complaints are minor. On a more positive note, try dining here on a Tuesday night when some of the Flatbread’s profits go towards aiding local community organizations. There is hardly a better way to give a little and get something excellent in return.