Don't Feed the Fish!

It's summer in Hawaii and unfortunately tourism is up almost double-digits in 2017, even at this time of the year. While I have nothing against tourists per se, the chances of a tourist doing something they shouldn't be doing are equally as likely as a tourist enjoying the Hawaiian islands responsibly. Sometime, though, the irresponsibility goes too far.

Poolenea Beach has long been one of my favorite beaches but it seems that within the past year there has been a great deal of trash and beach gear left behind by thoughtless people. Today, I found not one but TWO bags of 'fish food' floating in the waves...

STOPPP ITTT!

One, turtles find plastic alluring. They think it is a jellyfish and try to eat it which winds up choking them to death. Two, if you need 'fish food' to get sea life to come near you, maybe you're doing something that is making them stay away in the first place. Three, feeding the marine life upsets the natural balance of the ecosystem. Yes, many boating tour operators do it and they are wrong to do so, so please don't compound the problem. Four, DON'T LEAVE YOUR GARBAGE FLOATING IN THE OCEAN! I can only imagine how such people live. Oh, that's right, your maids clean up behind you! Disgusting behavior.

The second most horrible thing tourists do is use spray-on sunscreen and then jump right in the ocean. One, every study done has concluded that rub-on lotion is far more effective. It is especially more effective if you let it soak into the skin for a few minutes because if you get right in the ocean, the sunscreen comes off! Do people REALLY not realize this? Two, the sunscreen is hazardous to the marine life. I have personally witnessed the decline of Maui's reefs and sunscreen is one of the causes. It's really not hard to put a rash guard on, but I guess if you're using spray-on sunscreen, you are a really lazy SOB. Three, no one around you who cares a wit about their health wants to breath that aerosol garbage! I don't know how many times I've been involuntary misted. So IF you're going to put it on, do it away from other people 'cause I'm done being nice about it.

Okay, rant over. Enjoy your vacation.

ARRRRGGGHHH!

Ohai Loop Trail; Maui, Hawaii

This is a very easy 1.2 mile hike along Maui's upper north(west) side. It's a good walk for the timid hiker in the family, just be careful of the occasional ledge. I do suggest doing the 'hike' counterclockwise for best views, if you want to call them that. It is off of Kahekili Highway between mile marker 40 and 41.

Haleakala Sunrise

Thinking about seeing the most amazing sunrise that can be seen? Think again as of February 1, 2017! Because of the literally overwhelming popularity of the event, the Park Service will require reservations come the new year. Read more about it HERE.

The Pint & Cork; Wailea, Maui

Although only open for two months (as of this writing), The Pint & Cork (TP&C) at The Shops at Wailea seems to be going strong. This is probably due to the venue being the only really decent place to watch sports in all of south Maui and that it's conveniently located next to shops husbands would rather not be dragged into.

Although the ten or so big screen televisions showing all sports all the time might beg for this place to be labelled a sports bar, the interior - with its 'tique wood and brick walls - speak to something more closely resembling a wine bar. In this regard, TP&C is probably one of the

The view as you walk in.

most aptly named places you'll ever drink at. Featuring 16 taps on rotation (none of them particularly impressive if you drink at Maui Brewing Co. as often as I do, though MBC beers are offered here) and a respectable variety of wine, to say nothing of the cocktail menu, there is plenty to sate your thirst and for much less than what nearby hotels will charge. Are far as getting your drink on is concerned, TP&C pretty much has you covered. That is, unless you're a beer snob. Then you might want to try Monkeypod Kitchen just up the road.

Interestingly, TP&C bills itself as a gastropub. Well, maybe in Maui this is true but I haven't eaten anything at TP&C that I haven't found better somewhere else. Their garlic fries, for example, are indeed very garlicky but they pale in comparison to Gannon's Volcano fries down in Makena. The pork sliders? Much better from Horhitos Mobile Taqueria's food truck. The burger? Way better at 5 Palms closer to Kihei. I'm not saying the food is bad, just that there is better tasting food nearby. I should say, though, that the food is still pretty darn good and you'll pay a heck of a lot less than you would dining at the hotel restaurants which are over-hyped to put it mildly.

As for the atmosphere, it is friendly. The staff doesn't ignore you to nearly the same degree most

TV's, lot's of 'em.

Maui food venues operate and for that I'm thankful. It should be noted that even at half capacity, TP&C is very noisy, so you might want to consider that before gently and quietly breaking up with your other half after they've spent entirely too much on a Coach purse next door. On a related note, TP&C does have a very small patio and a balcony area for a little bit more privacy. And, although I haven't been there for it, I understand TP&C is open to 2am(!) daily and features live music on Thursday, Friday and Saturday.

Walk over to TP&C from your hotel or pay for parking at the Shops which has been in effect for almost a year now. Free 1 hour parking. Parking validated if you make $25+ in purchases.


Directions: The Shops at Wailea are sandwiched between the Marriot and The Grand Wailea on Wailea Alanui Drive. TP&C is on the upper deck on the south side of the shops next to Tiffany and Co.

Sssssliders.

Garlicky fries.

Wailea Beach; Wailea, Maui

[Note - I've reviewed this beach before and having visited again today, I feel my previous review was too kind. Read it here.]

Wailea Beach is something of an odd creature; a picture perfect tropical beach at first glance but hides something of a sinister underbelly. Okay, maybe not ‘sinister,’ but Wailea Beach isn’t everything the hotels that flank it – The Grand Wailea, the condos at Wailea Point and The Four Seasons  – would like you to believe it is.

Wailea Beach before 9am.

At first, Wailea Beach appears to be a beautiful quarter-mile stretch of smooth sand. This is true. However, if you think this is a great place to relax, then you must be a tourist: Wailea Beach is the most tourist-trafficked beach on Maui’s south side, which is okay if that’s your thing. Wailea Beach is a perfectly good spot to be crowded alongside other tourists and play in the typically soft waves that lap the shore here. It’s also a good place for novice snorkelers who are afraid of the water to practice, novice divers making their first dive, and novice stand-up paddleboarders eager to run over the former two groups of novices.

What ruins Wailea Beach besides the tourists, at least for me, is the ocean off of beach; it’s polluted, clear at shore but murky beyond 100 feet, has terrible coral growth and hardly any fish when compared to almost every other beach on Maui. Much of this has to do with the number of tourists spraying sunscreen on and then running right into the ocean, to say nothing of the run off from the development right on shore. With the ocean being no good here, is there really any reason to go to Wailea Beach?

The people watching can be good; it’s a little bit like watching zoo animals

Don't fall into the gorilla's cage!

who think they’ve been freed run amok. You can even people watch from afar as there is a nice grassy hill between the beach and its public beach parking access hardly anyone uses. Other than that, I don’t feel as though Wailea Beach has many redeeming qualities. You may have to travel further afield if you want to hit a better beach, though I will warn you that Polo Beach – a little further to the south along the Wailea beach path – is actually a worse beach than this one. Oh well, it’s the price you’ve paid too much for convenience. 

PS - Have you heard about the shark attacks here? No? Yeah, the hotels and tourist industry try to keep that kind of stuff under wraps...

Parking: Public Parking is the very next right after passing the Grand Wailea's parking area. There is limited spaces up front closer to the beach but there is overflow parking which will take you an extra -gasp!- minute or two to walk from. 

5 Caves / 5 Graves - Makena, Maui

The proper entrance to the 5 Caves area.

I haven’t been posting much lately, probably because I have been snorkeling at 5 Caves / 5 Graves so often in recent months, ever since my buddy and I ran up on a mermaid here. (I’m not kidding, there was a young woman wearing a mermaid costume swimming here.) This is currently my favorite spot to snorkel – next to Maluaka Beach – and ever since pollution and warm seas have bleached the coral in Honolua Bay.

Featuring two long – one of them currently healthy – fringing reefs, this location is a hot spot for coral, turtles, eels and well-fed fish, the latter thanks to the tour boats which inundate this area. Manta and eagle rays have been spotted from time to time in this area, too. Harmless white-tip sharks can also be seen here on occasion as you snorkel. I’ve never seen one here myself, but many people have reported seeing them.

As these reefs also features caves – hence the name – it is popular with divers just as much as it is popular with snorkelers. As a mediocre free-diving snorkeler myself, there is only one cave I know the actual location of that is midway along the northern reef as it juts out to sea,

The 'beach' that front the house. Respect their privacy, please.

but can usually be found by the air bubbles emanating out of the coral as divers enter the cavern below. According to anecdotal evidence, though, the whole area around here is rife with caves and there is a sea arch or two along the southern reef. To find turtles, either skirt the rocky shoreline (carefully) or follow the northern reef straight out and go a bit to the left (towards the southern reef) between where some tour boats park; there is a turtle cleaning station there to enjoy if you don’t mind crowds. Keep in mind to watch out for kayaking tourists that pass through this area on your way out, since they are unlikely skilled enough to avoid running you over if you get too close to them.

If you don’t care to snorkel and just want a nice spot to sit and watch the water, the northern reef will provide you with a seat from which you will inevitably see a turtle or ten.

Entrance is from a small rocky cove or from Makena Landing further south, from which you will have to swim north along the shoreline to get to the 5 Caves area.

My video of this location is below at the very bottom.

Directions: Head south on Piilani Hwy to the very end. Turn Right onto Wailea Ike Rd. Turn left at Wailea Alanui, go 1 mile to its end. Continue left onto Wailea Alanui which becomes Makena Road. Continue on Makena Rd. Turn right about 1/2 mile to stay on Makena Road. Continue about a 2000 ft. til you spot cars on the left and park. Follow the path next to the house toward the water. You can also continue further down and park at Makena Landing Park, which has a sandy entrance and a bathroom. This will add 20 minutes to your swim, though.

Park on the left, follow trail where the rock wall is.

The Turtles of Five Caves (& A Mermaid)

Naked in Maui

A question often asked is whether there are any nude beaches on Maui. Well, yes, Little Beach - just north of and over the hill from Big Beach / Makena State Park - is well know for being a haven for people who think that, ahem, every day is their birthday and like to dress accordingly. But the next question - is it actually legal? - is another question altogether. 

George Harker of Maui wrote back in 2000 (a long time ago) about an incident in which several nude sunbathers were arrested. He wrote, “On October 18, 1998 six men were arrested for being nude on Polo beach at Makaleha Beach Park…All were charged and convicted of violating HRS 707-734 renamed Indecent exposure and redefined in 1993. HRS 707-734 Indecent Exposure...A person commits the offense of indecent exposure if, the person intentionally exposes the person's genitals to a person to whom the person is not married under circumstances in which the actor's conduct is likely to cause affront.” When the case was taken to the Supreme Court of Hawaii, the conviction by a lower court judge was overturned. “The Court noted that the exposure of genitals had to be ‘intentional’ and with a conscious object to affront the other individual. It was also important that the person not be married to the person doing the exposing. Under state law there are four states of mind; "intentional, knowing, reckless and negligent." In this regulation the operative state of mind is intentional, nothing more and nothing less. The Supreme Court had trouble with the idea of ‘intentional’ because the other individuals were also naked and it didn't make any sense that the individual was trying to cause alarm to any of the other persons on the beach. The Court also noted that the act had to be directed to some specific person, not someone who might or might not happen along. Clearly whether the police were affronted or not was immaterial,” Harker wrote.

Again, here is the law as it stands as of 2015*: Title 37 section 707-734 of the Hawaii penal code says of Indecent Exposure - A person commits the offense of indecent exposure if, the person intentionally exposes the person's genitals to a person to whom the person is not married under circumstances in which the actor's conduct is likely to cause affront. Indecent exposure is a petty misdemeanor. Furthermore, Hawaii Revised Statue 712-1217 says - A person commits the offense of open lewdness if in a public place the person does any lewd act which is likely to be observed by others who would be affronted or alarmed. Open lewdness is a petty misdemeanor.

[*Compiled from various legal websites since it seems quite difficult to find the actual HRS and HARs online.]

Basically what this means to us non-lawyers is that as long as you don’t intend to cause an affront or go out somewhere where it is reasonably expected you may cause an affront, nudity is okay. With Little Beach being an area known for its acceptance for nudity, it is legal to be nude here, though police have apparently arrested people here before, though mostly for drug use and squatting from what I understand. You also have to consider that if anyone who isn’t in the loop regarding Little Beach comes along and is offended by what they find, and saying that someone intended to offend them, the nudity in question IS now illegal. While such a contrivance is typical of Hawaiian bureaucracy, that’s just the way it is folks. But, hey, at least it is still a petty misdemeanor.

The rules of what should be common-sense apply here: As long as you’re alone or with other people of a like-mind when you are nude, no problem. But if you’re somewhere people commonly keep clothing on, have some class and don’t bare your ass. Mahalo!

Polipoli State Park, Upcountry Maui

Once upon a time, Polipoli State park and its trails may have been a nice place to visit, but since two minor hurricanes blew past the island in 2014, felled and cut-up trees have left the area looking like a warzone. Combine this with the fact that there is little to no views on this often cloudy backside of Haleakala and elevation changes that are unchallenging to say the least make this place forgettable. Or, it would be forgettable except for the 6-mile long bumpy one-lane dirt road that take you to the remote park. Totally not worth the drive, folks, not unless you really like Redwood trees, which make up less than a mile of the trail, btw. Sorry, Polipoli, I'll leave you to the locals.

This link will take you to the state's official page. Notice what little information they give you...

Directions: From Kahului, take Highway 37 through Kula to the junction of Highway 377. Turn left on 377 for about 0.3 mile, then right on Waipoli Road. This becomes Polipoli Access Road at the first cattle guard and climbs up the mountain through a long and annoying series of switchbacks until it enters the forest at 6,400′ elevation, where the pavement ends and the road becomes an annoying one-lane dirt road with potholes. Parking lot has some picnic tables and surprisingly, a flush toilet.

Worst map ever.

Nice view.

What? No orcs?

Most interesting thing on the trails.

Makawao Forest Reserve Hike (and Bike)

Let’s say you want to go on a hike but not deal with the danger presented by lava fields, streams, waterfalls or cliffs. Nor do you want to be brutalized by the Hawaiian sun while you enjoy yourself. Hikers rejoice; the Makawao Forest Reserve trail (Kahakapao Recreational area) is for you!

Not to be confused with a MUCH shorter Waihou Spring trail a little bit to the west, the Kahakapao Recreational area in the Makawao Forest provides what amounts to a non-technical 6.2 mile walk in the woods through slightly varying terrain that rarely exceeds a 10 degree incline. This isn’t a particularly exciting trail visually speaking; it’s simple forestry with no views of the ocean as you can see from my pictures. (This is probably why it took me a while to get around to this hike.) Since this area is upcountry, it is definitely cooler than the coastal region and as such is prone to more rain. So, there is the occasional bit of mud to whet your whistle if you’re into that sort of thing. For the casual hiker, this is probably your best bet on Maui.

The trail is a loop trail with bike trails that for the most part parallel it (they occasionally cross paths.)

Haole in a tree.

Since the eastern/clockwise part of the loop is a little less steep – not that 7-10 percent incline is steep – my wife and I elected to go this route. Upon concluding the trail, I also felt that this side of the loop is a little more scenic and quieter as well, as some houses can be found across a ravine on the western portion of the trail.

While you may certainly hike, be aware that this is trail is equally well-known for its mountain biking, so watch out for downhill racers who aren’t on the specifically designated bike trails. While we didn’t see any more bikers than we did hikers, the bikers don’t always bother with the bike bells offered at the trail head so keep your eyes and ears peeled. Besides straight and speedy down-hills for bikers to enjoy, they also have a children’s and novice warm-up areas and ramps and such for more advanced bikers to enjoy.

Overall, this trail is relaxed in its meandering with the wonderful scent of eucalyptus trees in the air. Personally, I will be headed back to this trail but with my bike so I can add at least a small element of danger. Either hiking or biking, this is a quaint little place.  

Directions: From Paia, take Baldwin Ave. up the mountain into Makawao. At the first major crossroad in Makawao, hang a left onto Makawao Ave (where there’s a Mexican restaurant across the street on the corner). Travel east, and take the right immediately after the cemetery – this is Piiholo Rd. When you see a gated park on your right there is a fork that goes to the left; take this left fork. Follow this windy road until you have to make a right onto Kahakapao Rd. Keep going until you go through the yellow gates and you will soon make a right into a gravel parking lot.

For a map of what I am talking about, click HERE.

For a map of the trail, click HERE. 

Biker getting warmed up.

More advanced biker warm-up area.

Waihee Ridge Trail

To my shock and horror, I was looking at my list of blogs and discovered that I had not yet reviewed Waihe'e Ridge Trail - bad haole! Bad! That said, here is a review of said trail that is a tad north of Wailuku, east of Kahului in Maui.

I'll begin by saying that this is a hike suitable for just about anyone provided you can get past the first two hundred feet or so of concrete road that climbs about a 30% incline. So, yeah, just about anyone can do that though it's an auspicious way to begin a hike. Rest assured it is the toughest park of the hike...provided the rest of trail isn't wet. 

While Waihe'e Ridge Trail is a relatively easy five-miler round trip when it is dry, wet conditions make this a bit more challenging without hiking sticks. (And the trail is wet most of the time, even in summer.) After the concrete road you'll find yourself under a canopy of trees and a whole lot of exposed tree roots underfoot. Eventually you'll come to some viewpoints of the valley on one side and the more scenic Waihe'e Valley on your left, which - when it is clear - is a wonderful view. (Be warned, though, all three times I've hiked this trail it has been cloudy which detracts from the view, in my opinion.) After the viewpoints you'll eventually hit the cloud line where the trail gets even wetter than it probably already is, thus reminding me more of hikes on Kaui than Maui. You'll climb muddy switchback after muddy switchback hoping to see a waterfall to no avail. (The closest waterfall you can get a glimpse of is across a valley on either side of you.) 

By the time you hit the 2.0 mile marker, you begin to wonder if this hike is worth it. Well, it is if you just like hiking, but honestly there are many hikes on Maui that are most interesting as you can see in my video below. There is no payoff when you reach the top of the trail; just some water to splash in that surrounds a dilapidated picnic bench up in a cloud. You might want to rest here for a few minutes and ponder how annoying it will be to get down off this hill if you don't have a hiking stick. 

This is a convenient hike - not to mention inexplicably popular hike - if you just happen to be out Wailuku's way, which is to say I had other business this day and that's why I agreed to the hike. Frankly, I would have rather done 13 Crossings just a little further up the road, but my wife doesn't like to walk in streams. Sigh. 

Directions: Take Highway 32 / Kaahumanu Ave. west of Kahului until you reach Highway 3400 right after Kahului Harbor. Turn right here and go north to Hwy 330, about three miles. Turn right on Highway 330 and continue until it becomes Highway 340 at mile marker 2. At 9/10 mile past mile marker 6 is Mendes Ranch on the right. Turn left here on to a gravel/unimproved road and it is approximately 1 mile up hill until you reach a small gravel parking area.

Marriot's Te Au Moana Luau

The Te Au Moana (which apparently means “The Ocean Tide”) luau was a tough decision. With my mother visiting, she insisted on a luau despite opinions that such entertainment on the island is kitschy at best. Whether you’re reading reviews of Maui’s various luau’s – Te Au Moana, The Old Lahaina Luau, the Grand Wailea’s Honua`ula Luau – on Trip Advisor, Yelp, etc., reviews are scatter-shot to say the least. So, we settled on the luau closest to home, the Marriot’s Te Au Moana luau.

We arrived early, a little after 4pm to ensure ourselves good seating as many reviews I read complained of crowds and winding up in the back row. (Frankly, there really isn’t a bad seat here; you’re either close to the stage or close to the bar and the dessert area. That’s a win-win situation to me.) That turned out not to be an issue and my family wound up in the second row and were seated with a lovely family from Colorado and some newlyweds from Palestine. That’s a good mix of people, ever so fortunate since we found ourselves waiting about an hour for the bar to open and waiting another half hour or so after that for the buffet to be set up. Speaking of the bar, the drinks (mai tais and pina coladas) were included with the price of admission (around $90 per person with our local discount) and were surprisingly tasty and strong, especially the mai tais.

Nice and liquored up, the pig was eventually dug up from a pit adjacent to the bar area. Unfortunately, I couldn’t see the pig being dug up as guests seated closer to the pit where to ones up close and crowded those of us from the front rows out. Not really a big deal, though, as the pig was then paraded through the middle of the grounds. The buffet was ready to go soon thereafter, and tables were called to approach the buffet in a nicely organized manner. As for the food itself, there was something for everyone but was mostly neither here nor there taste-wise. And, except for the pork and poi, the food offerings were not particularly Hawaiian.

As dinner wound down after about an hour, the show was ready to begin. Unlike the Old Lahaina luau, the Marriot’s luau is geared more towards dances from across Polynesia and featured the retelling of creation

myths that were compelling, though ultimately contradictory. Fortunately, love stories are a requisite as well, despite the manner in which they always wind up tragically. After various story-telling and dancing*, children were invited up to the stage to learn some hula which I though was adorable though I don’t particularly like children. Then, audience members were selected to learn some dance moves on stage which was hilarious. Problem is, I don’t think either of these segments of the show lasted long enough. Maybe the fire-dancer, up next, had to be home early. Who knows? But I do give serious props to the fire dancer despite a misstep or two. He was a blast to watch and his segment did go on longer than I thought it would. Still, the entertainment portion of the luau lasted less than 90 minutes.

[* - I read a review in which someone – very frustrated or repressed – complained that the dancers were grinding too much. This is a ridiculous observation if one has any understanding of 1) how important family is to Hawaiians and 2) human biology and the origin and point of dancing in the first place.]

Was it all worth the near $100 for the luau? If you take into consideration the mark-up on all goods and service in Hawaii, the price should be about something you would expect. And while this is my first luau, I don’t think there will be any more now that I am well versed in Hawaiian legends. This is to say the luau was a good experience but not so much that I feel the need to ever do it again. Frankly, I’d rather be in the luau, playing with fire.

Leis are offered free shortly after check-in. Men have the option of receiving a fish hook necklace. Parking is free in their parking structure which is to the left as you approach the valet area. Have your parking ticket validated by the luau staff when you check in.