Don't Feed the Fish!

It's summer in Hawaii and unfortunately tourism is up almost double-digits in 2017, even at this time of the year. While I have nothing against tourists per se, the chances of a tourist doing something they shouldn't be doing are equally as likely as a tourist enjoying the Hawaiian islands responsibly. Sometime, though, the irresponsibility goes too far.

Poolenea Beach has long been one of my favorite beaches but it seems that within the past year there has been a great deal of trash and beach gear left behind by thoughtless people. Today, I found not one but TWO bags of 'fish food' floating in the waves...

STOPPP ITTT!

One, turtles find plastic alluring. They think it is a jellyfish and try to eat it which winds up choking them to death. Two, if you need 'fish food' to get sea life to come near you, maybe you're doing something that is making them stay away in the first place. Three, feeding the marine life upsets the natural balance of the ecosystem. Yes, many boating tour operators do it and they are wrong to do so, so please don't compound the problem. Four, DON'T LEAVE YOUR GARBAGE FLOATING IN THE OCEAN! I can only imagine how such people live. Oh, that's right, your maids clean up behind you! Disgusting behavior.

The second most horrible thing tourists do is use spray-on sunscreen and then jump right in the ocean. One, every study done has concluded that rub-on lotion is far more effective. It is especially more effective if you let it soak into the skin for a few minutes because if you get right in the ocean, the sunscreen comes off! Do people REALLY not realize this? Two, the sunscreen is hazardous to the marine life. I have personally witnessed the decline of Maui's reefs and sunscreen is one of the causes. It's really not hard to put a rash guard on, but I guess if you're using spray-on sunscreen, you are a really lazy SOB. Three, no one around you who cares a wit about their health wants to breath that aerosol garbage! I don't know how many times I've been involuntary misted. So IF you're going to put it on, do it away from other people 'cause I'm done being nice about it.

Okay, rant over. Enjoy your vacation.

ARRRRGGGHHH!

Haleakala Sunrise

Thinking about seeing the most amazing sunrise that can be seen? Think again as of February 1, 2017! Because of the literally overwhelming popularity of the event, the Park Service will require reservations come the new year. Read more about it HERE.

Wailea Beach; Wailea, Maui

[Note - I've reviewed this beach before and having visited again today, I feel my previous review was too kind. Read it here.]

Wailea Beach is something of an odd creature; a picture perfect tropical beach at first glance but hides something of a sinister underbelly. Okay, maybe not ‘sinister,’ but Wailea Beach isn’t everything the hotels that flank it – The Grand Wailea, the condos at Wailea Point and The Four Seasons  – would like you to believe it is.

Wailea Beach before 9am.

At first, Wailea Beach appears to be a beautiful quarter-mile stretch of smooth sand. This is true. However, if you think this is a great place to relax, then you must be a tourist: Wailea Beach is the most tourist-trafficked beach on Maui’s south side, which is okay if that’s your thing. Wailea Beach is a perfectly good spot to be crowded alongside other tourists and play in the typically soft waves that lap the shore here. It’s also a good place for novice snorkelers who are afraid of the water to practice, novice divers making their first dive, and novice stand-up paddleboarders eager to run over the former two groups of novices.

What ruins Wailea Beach besides the tourists, at least for me, is the ocean off of beach; it’s polluted, clear at shore but murky beyond 100 feet, has terrible coral growth and hardly any fish when compared to almost every other beach on Maui. Much of this has to do with the number of tourists spraying sunscreen on and then running right into the ocean, to say nothing of the run off from the development right on shore. With the ocean being no good here, is there really any reason to go to Wailea Beach?

The people watching can be good; it’s a little bit like watching zoo animals

Don't fall into the gorilla's cage!

who think they’ve been freed run amok. You can even people watch from afar as there is a nice grassy hill between the beach and its public beach parking access hardly anyone uses. Other than that, I don’t feel as though Wailea Beach has many redeeming qualities. You may have to travel further afield if you want to hit a better beach, though I will warn you that Polo Beach – a little further to the south along the Wailea beach path – is actually a worse beach than this one. Oh well, it’s the price you’ve paid too much for convenience. 

PS - Have you heard about the shark attacks here? No? Yeah, the hotels and tourist industry try to keep that kind of stuff under wraps...

Parking: Public Parking is the very next right after passing the Grand Wailea's parking area. There is limited spaces up front closer to the beach but there is overflow parking which will take you an extra -gasp!- minute or two to walk from. 

Marriot's Te Au Moana Luau

The Te Au Moana (which apparently means “The Ocean Tide”) luau was a tough decision. With my mother visiting, she insisted on a luau despite opinions that such entertainment on the island is kitschy at best. Whether you’re reading reviews of Maui’s various luau’s – Te Au Moana, The Old Lahaina Luau, the Grand Wailea’s Honua`ula Luau – on Trip Advisor, Yelp, etc., reviews are scatter-shot to say the least. So, we settled on the luau closest to home, the Marriot’s Te Au Moana luau.

We arrived early, a little after 4pm to ensure ourselves good seating as many reviews I read complained of crowds and winding up in the back row. (Frankly, there really isn’t a bad seat here; you’re either close to the stage or close to the bar and the dessert area. That’s a win-win situation to me.) That turned out not to be an issue and my family wound up in the second row and were seated with a lovely family from Colorado and some newlyweds from Palestine. That’s a good mix of people, ever so fortunate since we found ourselves waiting about an hour for the bar to open and waiting another half hour or so after that for the buffet to be set up. Speaking of the bar, the drinks (mai tais and pina coladas) were included with the price of admission (around $90 per person with our local discount) and were surprisingly tasty and strong, especially the mai tais.

Nice and liquored up, the pig was eventually dug up from a pit adjacent to the bar area. Unfortunately, I couldn’t see the pig being dug up as guests seated closer to the pit where to ones up close and crowded those of us from the front rows out. Not really a big deal, though, as the pig was then paraded through the middle of the grounds. The buffet was ready to go soon thereafter, and tables were called to approach the buffet in a nicely organized manner. As for the food itself, there was something for everyone but was mostly neither here nor there taste-wise. And, except for the pork and poi, the food offerings were not particularly Hawaiian.

As dinner wound down after about an hour, the show was ready to begin. Unlike the Old Lahaina luau, the Marriot’s luau is geared more towards dances from across Polynesia and featured the retelling of creation

myths that were compelling, though ultimately contradictory. Fortunately, love stories are a requisite as well, despite the manner in which they always wind up tragically. After various story-telling and dancing*, children were invited up to the stage to learn some hula which I though was adorable though I don’t particularly like children. Then, audience members were selected to learn some dance moves on stage which was hilarious. Problem is, I don’t think either of these segments of the show lasted long enough. Maybe the fire-dancer, up next, had to be home early. Who knows? But I do give serious props to the fire dancer despite a misstep or two. He was a blast to watch and his segment did go on longer than I thought it would. Still, the entertainment portion of the luau lasted less than 90 minutes.

[* - I read a review in which someone – very frustrated or repressed – complained that the dancers were grinding too much. This is a ridiculous observation if one has any understanding of 1) how important family is to Hawaiians and 2) human biology and the origin and point of dancing in the first place.]

Was it all worth the near $100 for the luau? If you take into consideration the mark-up on all goods and service in Hawaii, the price should be about something you would expect. And while this is my first luau, I don’t think there will be any more now that I am well versed in Hawaiian legends. This is to say the luau was a good experience but not so much that I feel the need to ever do it again. Frankly, I’d rather be in the luau, playing with fire.

Leis are offered free shortly after check-in. Men have the option of receiving a fish hook necklace. Parking is free in their parking structure which is to the left as you approach the valet area. Have your parking ticket validated by the luau staff when you check in.